The Best Year of My Life… So Far

Good morning, world. Today is my last day of being 30 years old, and I’ve loved every last minute of it (challenges included.)

This last year has seen me having to learn to say goodbye to best friends all over again, and also making new and incredible friends that I feel like I’ve known forever. It’s seen me break down and crawl into my familiar old darkest of places to saturate in a pool of self-loathing and fear, and then turn around and decide to react differently to those feelings than I did in the past. It’s seen me decide enough is enough, I’m tired of buying into the bullshit in my head. It’s seen me be more courageous than I ever was in the past, and face fears that I used to refuse to even look in the eye. It’s seen me clean out my literal and figurative closet more than a few times.

It’s seen me break down and finally decide to change.

This last year has seen me go on an EPIC ROAD TRIP ADVENTURE with my best friend, driving from one side of the continent to the other and getting lost and running out of gas along the way. It’s seen me fall even more deeply in love with my sweetheart than ever before. It’s seen me playtest, design and build my very first board game. (Yes, you read that correctly.) It’s seen me run over FIVE HUNDRED MILES! (Cue the proclaimers.)

This last year has seen me finally shaking free the nonsense idea that I could somehow “fix” my life by strong-arming it into what I always wanted it to be. I stopped searching for a magic wand to make myself better and decided that NOT BEING OKAY was just fine. And in true Murphy’s law fashion, that was the key that unlocked the door I’ve been banging my fists on for years. But what was on the other side was absolutely nothing like I expected.

It was so much better.

Honestly? It’s been the best year of my life, by far. I feel like I’ve let go of so much, and in the process, allowed so much more in. I feel like the Tien that I always wanted to be has finally been let out of the prison in my head, and damn, freedom is sweet. And even though I still have days where I go back in that prison, my relationship with it has changed dramatically. I know that I’m not really trapped there anymore, it’s just this part of me. I feel like a butterfly, reborn… and now I have wings.

Soon I will board a flight to Utah to see my bestie and her kids and the sky truly feels wide open to me. If this year is just the beginning, I cannot wait to see what 31 holds.